Identity
These blog posts have been a comfort and a joy to read. Even though I am miles away I feel so close to each of you. They are also pushing me towards God. I am so very thankful!
I am not built for this, staying home and being away from friends and family and being away from my 1st graders has been hard. Suddenly, all of my identities have been taken away from me in the traditional sense. I’m still a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, teacher, and mother.
I am still completely all of those things, but I can’t see my mom and I can’t see my sisters or my nieces and nephews. Seeing friends isn’t something that can happen like normal. I’ve seen a small portion of my students during online learning. Being a parent during this is all weird too. My identity has been flipped and stripped from what I have grown to expect. And honestly even love.
I think that’s been the hardest part for me during this pandemic. I trust God to heal this land, I know that He will. I trust God to keep my family safe, I know that He will. I know He will keep my students safe. But I’m still hung up on what my identity used to be and desperately want that back.
This identity crisis isn’t new for me. When I stepped down from ministry to finish my teaching degree there was a shift. I thought God and I worked it out and maybe we did, and this is just another opportunity to get even better. I’m not saying God created this pandemic mess, but I am saying He is going to use this for the good for those who love the Lord. Even in my failures and clinging too tightly to my earthly identities, that’s me! I love the Lord!
During these past few weeks there have been quite a bit of times where I have had to remind myself of who I am. I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am loved. I am wanted. I am valuable. I am worth dying on the cross for. Those things that I have taught many, many kids about; those foundational things, I’m having to relearn. Actually, I get to relearn!
I get to be reminded by God of who I am without the distractions of business as usual. I get to feel comforted by the Holy Spirit when my mind and heart are afraid or mad or angry or upset. I get to forge a new identity that was there all along, but I was clinging too tightly to the ones that will fade away.
I’m still a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, friend, teacher…the list could go on. But most importantly I am a blood bought daughter of the Most High King, adopted into God’s holy family. I am a sinner saved by amazing grace brought out from death and the grave, a co-heir with Christ. And honestly my most favorite “more than a conquer” like Romans 8:37 tells me I am!
Even in those weak moments when I feel like my identity is fading and shifting, I can remember who I am in Christ Jesus! I can then hold my head up high knowing that God loves me and my identity is firmly rooted and planted in Him! I don’t have to be all of those things, I can just be a daughter of the King of kings and Lord of lords. And that is right where I want to be!